My son, J, is sound asleep in bed and I’m bored. I’ve cleaned the front of the house and am now ready to make some noise in the back, but I can’t. Normally, I would be delighted to hide and quietly sleep my day away, but today for some reason, I’m wide awake, clearheaded and ready to act alive. What’s up with that?
I’ve been on a downer for some months now, barely able to keep myself afloat to work, eat and sleep. This week during my vacation, I dragged myself through some long-overdue shopping, cooking and cleaning. All of this was more my dear mother’s accomplishment than mine due to the fact that she spent much time at my side helping, cheering me on and giving me a push when I got sluggish. Rather than taking this time to frolic, play and rest, I needed a vacation to catch up with life–to complete chores that had been building up for many months while I slept through all my days off.
Yesterday, I sent a desperate plea to my precious doctor. During my past several appointments, I’ve whined about a generalized depression, but unsure if the clouds in my head were situational or chemical the doc has been hesitant to hand out more pills. Just lately, however, my brain has felt raging and restless. I haven’t been able to sleep but I haven’t wanted to do anything either. Miserable. Long story short, I added a new drug to my regimen, started the first dose last night.
Volatile as my moods can be, I’m always hesitant to ascribe benefits to a new drug until I ride it out for a few months. Nonetheless, I’m in a good mood today. I have energy and I want to use it. Get up, son, get up! I want to play!